1,000 hits to the head
by 3DBABE1999
Summary: All the things that make Sam the way he is. SPOILERS for Season 8. Hurt/Limp Sam, Mean/Guilty/Angsty/Protective Dean, Unsure/Scared/Tries to be helpful Kevin Tran. WARNINGS: Mentions of Sam's time in The Cage which will have mentions of nonconsensual sexual acts (Hey HalLucifer (Sam's hallucinations of Lucifer) implied it, I'm just working with it!) PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

"1,000 hits to the head."

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All the things that's made Sam Winchester the way he his...

WARNINGS: SPOILERS for the Season 8 premier.. Foul Language (I'll try to keep it "T" Rated.).. Mentions of nonconsensual sexual acts (Sam's time in The Cage.) (Nothing that wouldn't be able to air in the show itself) .. HelLucifernations (Sam's hallucinations of Hell and Lucifer).. Mentions of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as well as various physical, mental, emotional and spiritual deficiencies, defects and disabilities due to long standing spinal, head, brain, emotional, mental and spiritual traumas and injuries. Mentions of addiction and withdrawl...Also WARNINGS: For any other stuff I may have left out that might offend anyone.

DISCLAIMER: I've wished that I owned the rights to the Supernatural Series and characters several times.. Wish still not granted! (Maybe I'll get the rights for Christmas?) I'd love.. LOVE to write for the Supernatural Series for real and have SOME OF MY IDEAS AIRED! (Wish still not granted there either!.. Oh well. :'-( All I can do is pout!)

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"Why are you always the freakin damsel in distress!" Dean grunted as he tried to drag an unconscious Sam away from the cemetery where he'd just layed his millionth vengeful spirit to rest. To bad Sam had gotten thrown ten feet and he'd hit his head on a tombstone which knocked out his lights or this would have been his nine hundred ninety nine thousand, nine hundred ninety third vengeful spirit to lay to rest.

"Oh well Sam, you'll catch up to me sometime." Dean joked under his breath as he made a mental note to get Sam's goat later for having wound up hurt on the job again.

"Serves you right for taking a year off." Dean said louder in a tone of sudden bitterness hoping his unconscious little brother would hear. He hated the fact that Sam had just "Gone on.", "Lived his life as best as possible." and that Sam had just left all of his responsibilities by the way side to tuck tail, run and chase after the "apple pie life" he'd sworn he was done wanting years ago, meaning that within the span of a year Sam had "gone soft", had forgotten how to do the job and now it was like when Dean had first gotten Sam from Stanford all over again..

Kevin came rushing over when he saw Dean dragging the unconscious Sam towards where he'd been posted as a lookout. "What the hell happened? I thought you said this would be an easy job!" Kevin exclaimed.

"Well Sam's been out of practice for a while." Dean replied grumpily.

"He doesn't look so good. I think we should get him to a hospital." Said Kevin in a worried tone.

"Sam's just got a concussion. It's nothing I haven't dealt with before." Dean stated sounding annoyed.

"You mean to say that you've both let head injuries go unchecked?" Kevin asked shrilly.

"Dude it's honestly no big deal, our dad taught us how to handle all sorts of injuries. Trust me kid a little knock to the head's nothing compaired to most of the stuff we've had to learn how to patch up ourselves over the years." Dean said in a cocky tone.

"But that's not a "little" knock to the head Dean, half of Sam's forhead is starting to bulge to the side!" Kevin shouted.

"Head wounds always look worse than they are. In fact I'd be more worried if there wasn't a mark on him." Dean said reassuringly.

Kevin looked like his concerns being brushed off made him feel indignant but he shrugged saying "I hope you're right." before he helped take Sam's weight.

Once they made it to the Impala Dean unceremoniously shoved Sam's unconscious, lanky form into the back seat as Kevin took Sam's usual seat. Then Dean started the car and pointed her nose back towards their motel where a nice hot shower beckoned to him.

When they pulled up to their motel room Dean got out and went to try and wake Sam.

"Okay I let you stay passed out long enough." Dean said as he nudged Sam.

Sam opened his eyes a fraction and groaned in pained annoyance as he tried to sit up.

"Either wait till you get inside the room to pass back out or I'm letting you sleep outside." Dean stated sounding half amused and half angry.

Sam managed to sit up, get out of the car, stumble to the room and he made it all the way to his bed before collapsing.

"Sam, you really shouldn't sleep so soon after a head injury." Kevin stated worriedly.

"He knows." Dean grumbled as he made his way to the bathroom. "Don't ya Sam."

"No sleeping for at least an hour. Yes I know." Sam replied irritably from his bed. "Don't think that it counts anymore though especially after I already spent twenty minutes passed out."

"Not my fault your lazy ass wouldn't wake up sooner." Dean huffed.

"Never said it was." Sam growled.

"Are you two seriously gonna start fighting again?" Kevin asked trepidasiously.

"Trust me this isn't a fight." Sam said with a bitter scoff.

"Well the two of you aren't exactly getting along either." Kevin said scoldingly.

"Well sorry we aren't holding hands and singing "Kumbaia" Kevin. Cause I have every right to be pissed off at Sam for the fact that he ONE: Left you high and dry, in fact I don't know why you're NOT pissed off at him., TWO: Didn't even attempt to look for me, for AN ENTIRE YEAR! And THREE: Just gave up on hunting and on all his responsibilities to go run off with some girl." Dean said seethingly.

"Yeah and I have every right to be pissed off at Dean for being mad over the fact that I didn't look for him cause I thought he was dead and I knew there was no way to bring him back.."

"Bet you just LOVED that! Huh Sam?!" Dean interupted with a growl. "Bet you just couldn't wait to go nuts with your new found freedom!"

"You have no idea what you're talking about so you need to just shut up NOW Dean!" Sam snarled in warning as he came to a stand and took a few steps towards Dean.

"No Sam, I get it I do. I was gone so you didn't have anyone left to treat you like luggage anymore!" Dean retorted having thrown words from years past in Sam's face. "There was no one left to DRAG you, make you go anywhere. I bet you were fickin thrilled!"

"I thought YOU WERE DEAD and that there was NOTHING I COULD DO!" Sam bellowed, stepping in even closer.

Kevin fidgeted nervously as he tried to edge up to the brothers so that he might have a chance to de-escalate the mess he felt responsible for starting.

Sam instinctively backed away from Kevin's approach and turned away from the argument as Dean in his rage moved forward.

"Don't you dare turn away from me Sam!" Dean snarled sounding eerily reminiscent of his father.

Sam didn't turn back around. He merely hung his head and said calmly "I don't want to fight..."

"Right cause you never wanted to fight, huh Sam?!" Dean cut in angrily. "That's what led you to walking away from your family like we didn't matter the first time and that's what made you walk away when you found yourself finally free. It's good to know that your damned need for the apple pie life meant more to you than your responsibilities and GREAT TO KNOW that it meant more to you than your own family!"

Sam spun around and charged at Dean, going chest to chest with his brother and growled "You really just can't get it, can you?!"

"What's to get? It's obvious you don't give a DAMN ABOUT ME!" Dean bellowed.

"Coming from the person who puts hunting on the the top of his list of things to care about!" Sam retorted.

"Oh god don't you dare start with that crap!" Dean exclaimed sounding annoyed.

"What? Can't stand when someone brings up the fact that NOTHING is more important to you than hunting, not EVEN your own family?" Sam said mockingly.

"I hunt because of our family , I do it FOR THEM!" Dean shouted.

"Yeah cause that'll bring them back.. Oh wait no it won't and all it's gonna do for me is either get me killed or make me watch you die again!" Sam snarled.

Dean shoved Sam back, looking menacing and predatory as he clenched his hands into tight fists and shaking with rage as he roared. "You goddamned bastard! How dare you talk about our family! How DARE YOU talk ABOUT ANY OF THEM!"

Kevin tried to intervine again, going for Sam the USUALLY more level headed of the brothers and tried to nudge him away from Dean, as Sam was now chestto chest with his brother again. Sam allowed Kevin to guide him back a fraction, then he turned away on his own which ignited Dean's fury even more as he grabbbed Sam and spun him around to yell in his face "I said DON'T you DARE TURN AWAY FROM ME!"

Sam had, had enough of his buttons pushed, but he wasn't like Dean, he rather fight with words than with fists and like their father before them he really knew how to push Dean's buttons and he drove home his last hit with two simple words said in such a cocky, nonchalant tone of defiance that had, had his father ready to throttle him on more than one occasion and it looked like the words, the tone and the outright show of defiance had the exact same effect on Dean. But now there was no one to protect Sam from a fury he'd never experienced as the only person who'd be brave enough to pull two pissed off Winchesters apart and place him self in the line of fire to protect Sam was now the one who was beating Sam senseless after Sam had cockily challenged Dean, their father and their lives with a defiant tone in his barked out in mock military fashion "Yes Sir!"

Kevin had been to terrified to even approach Dean after the argument Sam had escalated enough to make Dean start looking like every creature in Purgatory's worst nightmare. But now Kevin had no choice because if he didn't intervine then Dean might kill his own brother.

Once Kevin had managed to pull Dean away Sam layed sprawled out on the motel room carpet, Sam was barely conscious but he was still able to drag himself up to a shaky stand as Dean paced like a lion in a cage.

Sam let out a shaky sigh as he tried to make ammends but his attempt at an apology was cut of as Dean whipped around on him and went flying off the handle the second Sam uttered a sound and snapped "Stuff it Sam. Go run off to the apple pie life that's always mattered more than your family. No one's gonna hold you back or drag you around anymore. Go on go back to your girlfriend.. Unless she's dead like everyone else who's life you've ended simply by just existing."

Even Kevin knew that was a pathetically low, LOW blow as it made Sam responsible for every death that had ever happened to anyone he'd ever known from the time he was born, including his mother, his girlfriend his father and Dean along with his other brother Adam as well as Bobby, Rufus, Ellen, Jo and several other good friends and extended members of his family that had died along the way.

Sam's face fell and his eyes started tearing, making Dean pale as he realised he'd gone to far. "Did she die Sam?" Dean asked in a horrified whisper that was thick with compassion, concern and regret.

Sam didn't hear his brother's concerned, apologetic tone as he sobbed out in fury "Just forget that we were ever brothers, cause I'm so sick of never being what you want. I'm done trying to be a part of your family! I am sorry I murdered your parents, friends and robbed you of your childhood before killing you several times as well though. Maybe your father should have just let me die in the fire or at least killed me when he realised what I was, then none of this would've ever happened!"

Dean wanted to try to take back all the hurtful things he'd said and done but he knew there was nothing he could say or do to undo the damage he'd inflicted. All Dean could do was stand there unable to move or speak as Sam stormed out and Kevin chased after him.

Suddenly Dean realised that Sam wasn't the only one who'd been out of practice for a while...

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A/N: Well?.. Please review and tell me what you think! And YES there will be more! I'm also working on getting the next chapters to several other stories posted, but this was begging to be written!


	2. Chapter 2

"1,000 hits to the head."

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A/N: Thanks for all the follows, faves and reviews! I'm glad you guys like this story!

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Dean collapsed to his bed and sat with his head in his hands for over half an hour. He was all alone now and he knew he'd remain that way as he'd driven his own brother away and scared off Kevin. So what happened next startled him out of his silent self pity...

The door burst open and a paler than a piece of white copy paper Kevin came rushing at Dean looking, shocked and shaken as he grabbed for Dean's shirt sleeve and started tugging frantically, panickingly stuttering out words that made Dean's world come screeching to a halt "He's n-n-not b-b-breat-t-t-thing. I t-t-t-tried-d-d-d t-t-t-to m-m-move him-m-m, t-t-t-tried-d-d-d t-t-t-to b-b-brin-ng-g-g him-m-m b-b-b-back-k-k-k. T-t-t-to hea-v-v-vy, t-t-t-to far."

"Show me where!" Dean growled as he came to a stand, grabbed Kevin by the front of shirt and gave the younger man a sharp shake.

"His lips were blue." Kevin said sounding traumatised.

"Kevin where?!" Dean shouted as he gave the younger man another shake.

Kevin could only respond by pointing towards a corner of the motel room.

"That way?" Dean asked trying to calm down enough to try and garner a coherent response from Kevin who was obviously in shock.

Kevin nodded, then started to collapse but Dean started hauling Kevin's increasingly lax body towards the Impala.

Once Dean had Kevin stuffed into the passanger seat he climbed in, started the car and peeled out of the parking lot heading in the direction Kevin had pointed.

"How far?... KEVIN! How far?!" Dean bellowed loud enough to snap Kevin out of his shock temporarily.

"Fifteen minutes on foot, I ran the whole way back." Kevin whispered shakingly as tears started trailing down his cheeks.

"How long was he not breathing for?!" Dean asked panickingly.

"He was fine, pissed but fine." Kevin replied sounding emotionally distant. "I was trying to get him to go back to the motel, but he just kept walking. Then he suddenly.. Just fell and at first I thought he'd only passed out again. I tried to move him off the side of the road, but he's so heavy I couldn't even budge him."

"How long was he not breathing for Kevin?!" Dean bit out through clenched teeth.

"I don't know!" Kevin sobbed in earnest as he started to ramble. "I forgot my cell phone in the room, I couldn't call for help! I had to leave him there! I couldn't move him! He wasn't breathing! His lips were blue! I couldn't find a pulse! I didn't know what else to do! I didn't know what to do! I didn't know what to do! I didn't know what to do!"

"KEVIN I need you to calm THE HELL DOWN!" Dean seethed scoldingly as he reached over and shook Kevin again.

Kevin's shocked ranting silenced to be replaced by his hypervetalted wheezing.

"Kid calm down, I need you to help me out here. I'm not going to be able to see him with as dark and foggy as it is. I need you to be able to tell me where to stop." Dean stated calmly as he easily slipped back into his more professional demeanor. He'd been dealing with people in shock since he was four so after he calmed himself down he started to act on his lifetime of training.

Kevin calmed slightly and started focusing on the task Dean had set for him.

"He should be just around the corner." Kevin said with a nervous sigh.

"Okay, kid. You did good." Dean said with genuine praise as he realised how Kevin had only been in this life for a little more than a year and was probably still not used to seeing people being hurt up close and in person. Plus the kid hadn't really had the chance to deal with having watched his girlfriend die, so it was no wonder the kid was finally falling apart at the seams.

Kevin nodded then curled in on himself and leaned against the passanger door.

Dean rounded the corner to see the illuminated figure of his brother's lanky, sprawled out form.

Now it was Dean's turn to go into shock...

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A/N: Hehehe! I KNOW... I'm SO EVIL! (Not a deathfic I promise, but Sam is hurt bad.. Oh so VERY BAD...) PLEASE REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 3

"1,000 hits to the head."

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A/N: Thanks for all the follows, faves and reviews! I'm SO HAPPY you guys like this story!

A/N: Also check out my Youtube vids: Supernatural Maybe It's Time For Miracles, Supernatural My Wish, Supernatural Bridge Of Light (has a duplicate Supernatural Bridge Of Light 2 where I changed and added some scenes cause I realised I used the same hug scene twice in my first one but BOTH are good), Supernatural Live A Life Less Ordinary and Supernatural Brothers On Any Given Day for some good ole fashioned brotherly feel goods. For some SERIOUS angst check out my vid Supernatural Sound Of Silence Sam Winchester's Anthem 4 (again another duplicate to fix a timing glitch and only my SECOND EVER vid on Youtube (Bridge Of Light came next) I'm still a pretty new vidder but I think those who read any of my stories might like watching my vids to as vidding is just another form of story telling) If you want a good laugh or to see lots of sexy or shirtless moments watch my vid Supernatural Here For Your Entertainment 2 ( the first one had a timing glitch plus I changed a scene for one that I'd felt was sexier).. PLEASE leave comments (I LOVE getting comments and reviews!) or you can PM here on fanfiction to tell me what you thought.. JUST PLEASE tell me what you thought NO MATTER WHAT (I'm still a pretty new vidder so I like when people can constructively share techniques they use or know of).. And as ALWAYS please enjoy and review this new chapter!

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Dean bolted from the car and rushed over to his brother's side. One look at Sam had him panicking, Sam's lips were blue, rather from the cold or lack of oxygen Dean didn't know. All he did know was that his little brother, the kid he'd raised, was lying on the side of a road in the dark, in the fridgid, foggy night air, instead of in a nice warm bed in the safety of his big brother's pressence, because that big brother, the one who'd been supposed to take care of him, had been a jackass... Dean started to have a freak out moment of his own as it hit him that if Sam was dead there was NOTHING he could do... Boy hell of a time to pick to see Sam's point of view..

Sam layed sprawled out on the side of the road, his head and face looked like they'd been used as a punching bag by a champion heavyweight boxer, but THANKFULLY Kevin had been wrong like so many people who'd ever gotten freaked out from being present when someone just suddenly fell unconscious, Sam DID have a pulse, albeit a weak and thready one and Sam WAS breathing, but barely, but that was enough to both give Dean relief AND shoot a fresh wave of panic into him at the same time because: Sam was still alive which was a REALLY good thing, BUT Sam was also hurt VERY BADLY and he was the cause, which.. Was a REALLY bad thing on SO MANY LEVELS...

A year in Purgatory had served to do several things TO and FOR Dean. Dean hadn't been lying when he'd said that Purgatory had felt pure. It'd been like a twenty-four/seven nonstop rush of adrenaline. Dean had NEVER felt more **ALIVE **than he had there. It'd been ADDICTIVE to say the least and Dean felt himself having withdrawls from the predatory demeanor that the near constant "Three hundred sixty degrees of combat." had instilled in him. Surviving in Purgatory had also served to make Dean stronger, more agile with more acutely strengthened and sharpened senses so now that his adrenaline was pumping hard again he could move Sam's six foot four inch, two hundred twenty pounds of muscle frame with little effort. It was like the "Freak adrenaline thing." was making him almost superhuman as he literally LIFTED his larger sized "little" brother into a cradle as he called for Kevin to get in the backseat as he needed Sam close enough to touch on the drive to the hospital...

"He's not breathing." Kevin said as he started to freak out again.

"He's breathing." Dean replied calmly as his heightened and more attuned senses gave him the confirmation he needed that Sam was breathing, Sam's heart was beating and if he really listened he could practically hear Sam's "geekboy brain" kicking into overdrive over the latest knock down drag out between them.

As Dean pulled a U-turn and pointed the Impala back towards the motel Kevin made a bitch face that could rival Sam at his moodiest and demanded Dean take Sam to a hospital.

Dean had to give Kevin credit for having balls enough to stand up for Sam, but at the same time he was SERIOUSLY gonna need to teach the kid some geography...

Kevin looked surprised as they passed by the motel room and Dean rolled his eyes for it was always the same with geek boys like his brother.. Freakin BRILLIANT as hell with book smarts.. Absolutly NO common sense...

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A/N: So Dean's Kinda got his head out of his rear for now.. But I have a feeling he'll go and have a buthole relapse later.. PLEASE review and tell me if the last line rang true for you or made you laugh cause I have my husband to thank for that one! (Oh and Benny the vamp's gonna be making an appearance soon. Wonder how Sam'll react to the fact Dean's the one telling lies and keeping secrets now. Hmmm...)


	4. Chapter 4

"1,000 hits to the head."

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A/N: Okay I have a few theories that I wanna put out there BEFORE they get Kripked (or not)... They are: I believe that Lucifer and Satan are NOT the same being because when the angels and demons speak of Lucifer they call him Lucifer and Satan is spoken of by angels, demons and horsemen (Not Sam, Dean, Bobby or human characters as it's common for people to confuse Satan with Lucifer) it's as if Satan is a different being aside from Lucifer... Also according to real research Satanael or Satan (Yes the supposedly fallen angel that tempted Job) is supposedly female (According to SOME.. REAL research Gabriel is also supposedly female, but hey..to each their own.. But isn't a new angel supposed to be popping up soon? A girl angel named "Naomi" or something like that? AND there IS rumors that Gabriel is comming back).. I've had an inkling for some time that Crowley is REALLY Satan (Hey Raphael A MALE angel used a woman as a vessel) (Season 7 episode 1 Crowley says "A **girl's **gotta try." and in Season 5 episode 20 "The **devil **you know." (Satan is considered a "devil" or "Prince of Hell.") Crowley (Self proclaimed "King" of the Crossroads later the self proclaimed "King" of Hell) says "I've been selling sin to Saints for centuries." and isn't selling sin what Satan supposedly does? Hmmm..) (So it's possible that "Crowley" is just a vessel... Also explains why "Crowley" is still alive.. Maybe there was NEVER REALLY any bones to burn as "Crowley" is a vessel so "Crowley's" body has NEVER died) .. Just a theory! But if it get's revealed that Crowley is REALLY Satan then remember I pegged it first! .. I think Dean killed (Or believes he killed) Cas while they were in Purgatory for whatever reason.. I just have a hunch and I also think Dean's friendship with Benny the vamp will come back to "bite him" (Definitely pun intended) in the end, much the same Sam's alliance with Ruby did Sam.. So with those theories in mind.. Here's the next chapter..

ALSO one quick note on time frame.. There's a part in the Chapter where I go back in time... Since it's been a year since Dean and Cas disappeared to Purgatory and that Episode aired May 18, 2012 and since "Repo man" had a flashback to four years ago (or was it three?) one can assume that Supernatural Season 7 was taking place in 2010-2011 instead of 2011-2012 and Season 8 is catching us up to 2012-2013 so the year gap is covered.. Does that make sense?.. LOL I tried.. ANYWAY since the Season 7 Finale AIRED May 18, 2012 I'M making the assumption that it was really taking place in 2011 or that we jumped ahead and Season 8 is taking place in the future.. Either way May-Oct has only 5 months in between so if Dean really has been gone a year then it's really closer to a year and a half.. So the timeline is this.. Sam and Dean seperated a year ago in "The Mentalist." (I'm hoping this gets Kripked) Sam hit the dog and met Amelia during the week and a half he and Dean were seperated then he went back to hunting with Dean and 7 months later Dean disappeared to Purgatory.. And now its been a year-a year and a half since Dean disappeared (which if I did the math right then 8 months ago for Sam would've been roughly 4-8 months after Dean disappeared in which time Sam went and reconnected with Amelia but he first spent that 3-8 months that aren't accounted for in a psyche ward..(I honestly do my best to explain how Sam spent ALL of his time away from Dean so please bear with it.) And I'm sorry if the timeline throws you for a loop!

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Dean paced agitatedly and Kevin sat bouncing his legs nervously as the minutes ticked by on the clock in the hospital waiting room. It had been an hour since the Emergency Room personel had wheeled Sam through the doors that barred admittance to anyone but hospital personel and the patient that was in need of life saving treatment.

The words of one of the E.R. nurses still stuck in Dean's mind, the way the nurse had yelled out to get a O.R. prepped and a nuerosurgeon STAT before she'd started shouting "Tell the nuerosurgeon we're dealing with a trauma induced Hemorrhagic Stroke here!.. We have no time to spare this man's bleeding into his brain!" Then like that the voice of the nurse had faded with the closing of the metal doors and a mountain of paperwork was shoved into Dean's hands before the overheard words of the nurse had, had a chance to really register. BUT those words were registering now and Dean was feeling more and more guilty by the second...

Dean might not have known a whole lot about medical terms or the things those terms described, but he did know what the words "Trauma induced", "stroke" and "bleeding into brain." meant and knowing that he was partly, if not mostly, the cause of the "trauma induced" part made him feel sick to his stomach.

Kevin couldn't help but fidget while he sat waiting for news on Sam. Kevin remembered that at first he had been so very angry at Sam for having been abandoned, but then he realised that Sam hadn't gotten him into this mess and that both Sam and Dean had still tried to protect him even though he could've brought even more complications and risks to their lives. Then Sam had wound up losing what was left of his family as a reward for his efforts.. It was suddenly no wonder to Kevin why Sam had just STOPPED and veered onto a new course of life because if he hadn't gone on in the healthiest way he'd known how then Sam may have ended up losing his mind, which was fragile at best, according to some things he'd overheard demons jesting about. The demons had joked how they weren't worried about Sam showing up as Sam had turned into a useless mess of crazy a few times in the past and all it'd taken was being separated from Dean or a few hallucinations, nightmares and flashbacks of his time in The Cage to do the trick so Sam wouldn't have been considered a threat even if he had come. And according to what Kevin had witnessed with HIS OWN EYES Sam was stronger than the demons had given him credit for, BUT Sam was still visibly shattered mentally, emotionally and spiritualy after a year of believing he'd PERMANENTLY lost the only family he'd had left, only to have that person come back on high horse of self rightious hypocrisy to start spewing out venomous hate filled words of anger and accusation. Kevin just couldn't understand why Dean couldn't have seen that Sam being not only still alive, but healthy and somewhat mentally stable was a miracle compared to the condition Sam could've wound up in if not for Sam's ability to attempt for heathily going through the grieving process instead of going off the deep end in any of the MANY ways he possibly could have.

What Kevin didn't know was that Sam hadn't spent his whole year in a "healthy" state of grief, in fact Sam HAD been as bad as the demons had joked about until he'd wound up in an E.R. for alcohol poisoning as well as an overdose of prescription pain and sleep medicines.. But it hadn't been because Sam had tried to commit suicide, it had been because only mere minutes after Crowley disappeared with Kevin that Sam started seeing Lucifer again and Sam had started trying to force the hallucinations out of his mind with pain at first.. Which the E.R. staff had, had a field day with Sam's self inflicted injuries, blood alcohol level and positive tests for a pharmacy of pain and sleep medicines in Sam's system..

Soon Sam was locked in a psyche ward, but Sam had gotten lucky, he'd wound up with a compassionate, trust worthy doctor who had preferred that Sam only call her by her first name Naomi as it made it feel more like they were old friends instead of mere acquaintances.

Sam had ended up trusting Naomi enough to confess that he was hallucinating and Naomi hadn't judged him or jumped to diagnose him as "just crazy", she hadn't even asked what the hallucinations were of, she'd merely told Sam that sometimes soldiers come away from their many battles with more than just physical wounds and then she'd given Sam a knowing look and said "And you ARE a soldier that's been through the thick of MANY tough battles aren't you?" All Sam could do was nod, it'd been the closest to right, anyone had ever been, without pegging the nail directly on the head, that Sam had ever seen or heard.

Naomi gave Sam a few prescriptions for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder along with a few prescriptions for an anti-hallucinaginic that was normally used for epilepsy patients as Sam had also confessed to past seizure like episodes and a few medications that covered pain, uncontrolled muscle spasms, hallucinations and depression that was normally used for patients that had Multiple Sclerosis as some scans that Naomi had ordered showed that Sam had some very worrying nerve damage in his spine as well as some very worrying scar tissue in Sam's brain and even a few small areas of very concerning brain death, that could cause Multiple Sclerosis or symptoms that were like those of Multiple Sclerosis if Sam went untreated. Once it was apparent that all the medications that Naomi had prescribed were working Naomi discharged Sam with a clean psyche evaluation as Sam was as healthy as he ever could be mentally for now, but Naomi warned Sam that, that might change and she made Sam swear to continue his meds and to seek help if his condition were to ever start deteriorating and she reminded Sam that it was a very real possibility that it could deteriote both physically and mentally so he'd need to watch out for things like muscle weakness, problems with coordination and making small movements, decreased attention span and difficulty with reasoning and solving problems and that he'd pretty much have to avoid any kind of head injury for the rest of his life. She also told Sam that he needed to find someone he could trust to help keep an eye out for things like mood swings, personality changes, trouble communicating, poor judgement, memory loss as well as other symptoms that Sam wouldn't be able to detect on his own and Sam had agreed as he knew exactly who he could turn to.

October 28, ONE YEAR AGO...

Sam had been so pissed that Dean had lied to him that he wasn't really paying attention when something darted in front of his car.. When he got out and realised he'd clipped a dog he felt horrible. Then he realised that despite the blood everywhere the dog was still alive so he rushed the animal straight to the nearest animal hospital and demanded a doctor...

The veterinarian had played on Sam's guilt and sense of chivalry to get him to agree to take the dog. So Sam spent everday going to the animal hospital to check on his new pet and by the third day he'd built quite the friendship with the animal hospital's doctor Amelia. Then one day Sam caught wind of a case and his bubble was popped. He knew he couldn't have a dog yet for a moment Sam had let himself believe he could have that small slice of normal. Grudgingly Sam told Amelia that there were complications that arose with taking the dog and he begged her as a friend to take the dog and he promised to come back and visit when he could..

EIGHT AND A HALF MONTHS AGO...

Sam knew he needed someone he could trust, someone he could consider a friend that had nothing to do with the dangerous life of a hunter and the only person he'd found to accept him as he was for the first time in a long time had been Amelia. He explained his problems to her and gave her the basic "civilian's version" story of his life of his life and being the compassionate person she was Amelia agreed to help him and a month later she and Sam had fallen in love.

Sam had got a part time job in the backroom of a Library to help with rent, bills and to pay for repairs to the Impala and every morning he'd wake up, get dressed, kiss Amelia, pet the dog then leave for work and it had went like that for another month until one day when Amelia held up a white stick with two pink lines and said the words that Sam had thought would change his life forever.. "You're going to be a dad."...

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A/N: So.. Yeah.. How was it? *fidgets nervously*.. I couldn't really think of a way to get the events of Sam's year off of hunting into the story except for it to still be something that's unknown for Kevin and Dean.. Yet Sam wasn't really present to have a flashback.. so I worked with "What Kevin didn't know." which is also what Dean doesn't know.. Sam DID say he'd found something this past year that he hadn't had in a long time, I'm thinking acceptance, peace and hope yet Dean automatically jumped to "There was a girl wasn't there?" and Dean's mind automatically thought Sam had met her while he'd been in Purgatory.. I'm thinking Sam smelled like dog NOT the car or during the months they were together Sam and Amelia might've gone on outings and taken the dog.. I think Sam hasn't told Dean of his problem yet because .. Well a million reasons really but a few are Dean wasn't exactly receptive to Sam's announcement that he'd stopped hunting which segued into Dean getting all accusational on Sam. And didn't I mention that some of Sam's symptoms could be trouble communicating as well as poor judgement among other things?.. Boy I wonder how bad Dean's gonna feel later especially when he finds out that even though Sam's spine and brain injuries had only been recently discovered that Sam's actually been suffering from the onset of symptoms off and on for years.. Like how getting addicted to demon blood was seriously poor judgement and how when he'd killed Jake in such a cold blooded way it was like Sam had a completely different personality.. Hmm.. As far as Amelia goes.. No I'm not gonna kill her, she actually shows up later, unfortunately though she's not going to have a blossoming belly.. Just another thing for Dean to feel bad about when it comes to light.


	5. Chapter 5

"1,000 hits to the head."

* * *

A/N: OKAY.. So I watched Episode 2.. Yeah.. Was it just me or was there like 3-5 times where Dean was an outright ASSHOLE? WHAT THE HELL ARE THE WRITERS THINKING?! SERIOUSLY! ARE they TRYING to RUIN the BEST SHOW on the FACE OF THE PLANET?! I wish I could write for Supernatural (I'd do it for free! .. Hell I'd even PAY THEM if they'd let me SAVE Supernatural!) Maybe I can start a petition to get hired?. Would anyone sign it?.. Here's what I'd do for the show: I'd give it an ACTUAL PLOT AGAIN (I literally have MILLIONS of ideas for plots so I could MAYBE get another 3 GOOD Seasons before ending it with ALL of the "lose ends" that have been driving fans nuts all tied up with a nice, neat little bow and I'd give the show an ending both the Characters AND the fans deserve!), I'd make Sam and Dean's bond as brothers strong again, I'd bring back Richard Speight Jr. (Gabriel), Jeffery Dean Morgan (John Winchester) (At some point), Samantha Smith (Mary Winchester) (At some point), Chad Lindberg (Ash), Rob Benedict (Chuck), Mark Pellegrino (As Lucifer.. NOT HalLucifer.. Well maybe as HalLucifer a few times just to establish a few things), Kurt Fuller (Zachariah.. for flashbacks and to establish a few things), Jake Able (As BOTH Adam and Michael), I'd OBVIOUSLY bring back Jim Beaver (Bobby) and Misha Collins (As Jimmy Novak AND Castiel) as well as possibly bringing in some creatures that we haven't ever seen Sam and Dean fight before like Molemen (Something that doesn't look all human for once I'm thinking either C.G.I. or REALLY good costume effects.. Hey there ARE ways to do things like that without going over budget.. Unpaid interns that have their own effects software in the Visual department and unpaid interns that can do good costume effects and makeup.. It can be for job experience and college credits, plus they could have their names in the show credits and they could have their own segment of DVD special features as payment), Black Dogs (They've mentioned them and there's TONS of fanfictions on them.. BUT we've NEVER SEEN them on the show and I'd make them SO SCARY that people would go running from their T.V.s!.. Would definitely be an Episode the kiddies couldn't watch!.. Or anyone with urinary or bowl incontinence for that matter.. Especially at night!), Banshees, Nymphs and other good ole fashioned "monsters of the week" while still keeping with A PLOT and tying up "lose ends"!

A/N: ALSO who else besides me cheered when Sam used Thor's hammer and who else besides me was SCREAMING "KEEP THE HAMMER! **KEEP THE HAMMER SAM!**

* * *

It had been an hour and a half since Sam was wheeled through the "ONLY PATIENTS AND PERSONELL ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT." doors of the surgical wing of the hospital and Dean had stopped the agitated pacing only to start asking about his brother's condition every five minutes instead.

The only things anyone could tell Dean were things he'd already known from what his newly more sensitive sense of hearing had picked up when the E.R. nurse had shouted her orders from three wings away.. He hadn't known he'd heard her from that far until another nurse that'd been part of the group to wheel Sam back had told him that there was NO WAY he could've heard what he thought he heard yet she had been shocked by his accuracy as he repeated back to her the exact words that her colleague had indeed used.

So the time ticked on. Kevin did his best to get past his fear of Dean and he'd even tried to talk to Dean about what might've caused Sam to just pass out on the side of the road like that only to have Dean shut him out.

A frazzled, worried looking woman came bursting into the waiting room and marched right up to the nurses desk demanding information on the condition of her husband Sam Taylor.

Recognizing Sam's alias Dean grabbed the woman and pulled her into the hall then splashed holy water into her face as he snarled "What do you want with my brother."

"Your brother?" The woman asked with a cough as she wiped away the water. "I thought all of Sam's family was dead."

"Who are you and what do you want with Sam." Dean growled menancingly.

"My name's Amelia, I'm Sam's wife and I've been scared out of my mind looking for him for weeks, terrified that something else had happened to make his condition worse again."

"You're Amelia?" Dean asked before the rest of what she'd said fully registered then he continued with "Wait, what condition?"

"You're his brother and you don't know about his condition?" The woman asked in indignation. "Do you even know what Sam's been through over these last few months?.. In fact WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU when Sam was wheeled into an E.R. FIFTEEN MONTHS AGO for an apparent SUICIDE ATTEMPT that happened because he'd been hallucinating?! WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU when Sam was spending FOUR MONTHS .. LOCKED IN A PSYCHE WARD?! HOW CAN YOU DARE stand there and claim to be SAM'S BROTHER when Sam's spent more THAN A YEAR thinking that his ENTIRE FAMILY WAS DEAD?!" The woman had gone right at Dean and was shouting in near hysterics which was drawing attention.

"Listen.. Lady.. It's a LONG story, but I AM Sam's brother.. I don't know how much he told you about his life.. But trust me I'm Sam's brother and he's hardly said crap about this year, he did mention you but he NEVER said ANYTHING about being MARRIED!" Dean bellowed.

"Excuse me, is there a problem here miss?" asked a concerned looking hospital janitor.

"No." Amelia replied cooly. "My brother-in-law here is just now finding out that his brother got married without ever saying anything about it is all.. He freaked out.. It happens."

"Vegas wedding huh? Gotta love those." The janitor joked.

Amelia gave the man an uncomfortable smile as she nodded then looked to Dean and said "If you don't mind we do need to finish discussing this family matter in private."

The janitor nodded then walked away leaving Dean with a sister-in-law that he was just now finding out about.

"Okay." Amelia hissed out. "After we'd been married a couple of weeks Sam told me some things that most normal people would think of as nuts. And then he proved he was telling the truth. You do know about those things.. right?

"Ghosts, Shapeshifters, Skinwalkers, Ghouls, Vampires, Demons, Angels.. Those things?" Dean asked sarcasticly.

"Yeah." Amelia replied dryly. "Those things... Okay, well at least we're sort of on the same page there.. Sooo.. I'm gonna make a guess here.. You're Dean aren't you?"

"The one and only." Dean said cockily.

"Alright." Amelia said with a weary sigh "Well I don't know all the details that led to Sam being convinced you were dead, he said the less I knew the safer I'd be. But after EVERYTHING he's told me about you and the kind of relationship you two have.. I honestly have no idea WHY he didn't tell you everything that's happened to him these last few months."

"Well Sam hasn't exactly been great with honesty for like FIVE YEARS now and he's had a bad habit of keeping secrets for at least six." Dean replied in a hard cold hearted tone.

Amelia's face paled and she brought her hand to her mouth and cried "Oh god.. One of the signs that his condition's getting worse is trouble communicating. And his just taking off without telling me.. Oh hell that's more than a few signs that he's getting worse.. What if his memory is the next thing to start going."

"Listen.. Lady... I mean Amelia..?" Dean stammered as Amelia started crying. "I don't know about Sam's condition but I don't think that has anything to do with what's wrong with him now.. See there was this vengful spirit.."

Amelia smacked him "What THE HELL HE WAS THINKING going back to hunting?! He knows he can't be doing ANYTHING where he's at risk for ANY kind of head or spine injury!"

"Hey don't be pissed at me I didn't know." Dean stated cooly. "Remember?"

"Right.. You didn't know." Amelia sighed "I'm sorry I've been going through some stuff with Sam being sick then just disappearing right after.. Right after.. " Amelia started crying again "I thought he might stop taking his meds, that he might try to hurt himself.. He just felt so bad about the baby, he just kept blaming himself and then he went and vanished without a trace and now he's in the hospital again..."

Amelia was a rambling mess of tears and incoherent words as Dean could only stand there looking dumbfounded as Amelia started repeating herself. Apparently it was a night where Sam's loved ones would go through constantly repeating states of shock.

"Uh Amelia... I don't know what happened after Sam and I got seperated and I think I REALLY need to know." Dean said, suddenly feeling like the most horrible person in the world.

After Dean was able to calm Amelia down she told him about the brain and spinal injuries and brain death Sam's doctors had detected, how old the damage and brain death appeared to be and all the symptons all of it could cause including: How Sam could suffer from poor judgment. How the judgment problem could impair Sam's ability to make decisions, which could result in him making dangerous choices and how it could also affect Sam's reasoning skills and ability to problem solve. How Sam could have difficulty displaying emotions. How Sam could suffer from hallucinations, fatigue, confusion, uncontrollable muscle spasms, inability to focus, inability to communicate, memory loss, Depression, unpredictable mood swings, Dementia like symptoms, muscle pain and sudden personality changes and how Sam could suffer ALL those and so many other symptons all at the same time or at random anywhere at anytime.

Once Amelia was finished telling Dean of Sam's injury induced illness that apparently Sam could have been suffering from for eight years as that was roughly how old Sam's earliest brain damage was, Dean felt emotionally drained because according to the math Sam's first brain injury had happened arround the time of the wreck that had caused their father to sell his soul. Dean was now realising that not only had Sam NEVER even gotten his head injury from that time checked out but Sam had been brought back from the dead several times without that injury having been healed along with whatever other unhealed brain injuries Sam had accumulated throughout his life. Dean didn't even need to guess when or where Sam had gotten a spinal injury as he'd always suspected that Sam's back had never truly fully healed after the crossroads deal that'd brought him back to life after Cold Oak.

Amelia then told Dean how Sam had wound up on her doorstep in need of a friend and how they'd ended up falling in love, then she started crying again and this time Dean joined her as she spoke of a child who was born after only six months of pregnancy, how the baby had lived to two weeks old and had finally been cleared for short amounts of time out of the incubator so that his family could hold him and how the baby had died in Sam's arms from unforeseen complications. Dean was emotionally shattered as he heard how Sam had blamed himself for the death of his child and right after the cremation of his son Johnathan Dean Winchester Sam had spiraled into a deep depression and disappeared on Amelia just over a month and a half ago...

* * *

A/N: Well?... PLEASE review and also please respond to my top A/N... Next chapter will deal with Dean thinking over the past and his awful words towards Sam during this latest fight, Sam's (bad) reasoning for disappearing on Amelia, Benny pops up in a flashback and I give my version of what happened to Cas, Kevin will find the location of a NEW "Word Of GOD." tablet (By the way I ABSOLUTELY... LOVED, **LOVED** Kevin's mom!) and Crowley is going to be pulling out all the stops to block Sam and Dean's attempts to get the tablet at every turn.. (By the way when Dean asked Crowley "Getting in touch with your feminine side?" Crowley's reply of "Something like that.".. My husband shot up shouting "Oh my god you're right! Crowley's REALLY a girl!".. So it would SEEM.. BUT am I right about Crowley being REALLY Satan?.. Hmm..) ANYWAY.. Sooo this story is officially AU(ish)(There's still A LOT we don't know about Sam and Amelia's relationship so I could still be partly right.)


	6. Chapter 6

"1,000 hits to the head."

* * *

A/N: Something else about 8.02.. When the auctioneer announced an Amulet up for bid my heart did a flip cause for HALF A SECOND I thought it was gonna be **The Amulet**.. They REALLY need to bring back The Amulet (Samulet to us fangirls as Sam's the one who gave it to Dean and it's something that represents their soulmate bond.. AND By the way.. Just cause Sam and Dean are soulmates that does NOT imply a sexual relationship (Sorry SLASH fans!.. Yes I like SLASH to BUT if Sam or Dean EVER REALLY kissed each othe ror another guy on the show I'd stop watching Supernatural (Unless it was a flashback to Hell or someone was possessed..ONLY THEN would I be okay with seeing THAT for REAL) .. It's a completely different thing to like reading and writing SLASH fictions and wanting to see SLASH for REAL on the show.) ANYWAY.. I believe that when a good loving parent sees their children for the first time that they see nothing less than their soulmates and Sam and Dean have THAT kind of soulmate bond because they kind of raised each other (Dean wouldn't have grown up so fast or the way he did if Sam hadn't been the kind of child he was (Lots of parents learn "How to grow up." as they raise their child so in symbolance the child also raises their parents.) but Dean was THE ONLY REAL mother OR father Sam had (John seemed to have more the relationship of an estranged uncle with Sam than the relationship of a dad and Bobby was more of a grandpa as Bobby was more Dean's dad than John as John and Dean seemed to have more the relationship of a Commander and a soldier than that of a Father and a son) SO THAT'S WHY the writers NEED to BRING BACK **THE AMULET**! Cause as a parent, child (EVERYONE is somebody's child even if they're 50!) and older sibling that Amulet Sam gave Dean is IMPORTANT to me because it represents a child's love for HIS DAD, MOM, BIG BROTHER AND **SOULMATE **all in one PERFECT gift so when Dean THREW IT AWAY in Season 5 "Dark side of the moon." I wanted to smack him! (It was OBVIOUS that Zachariah tampered with Sam's "Greatest Hits".. SERIOUSLY who thinks the night Sam went to Stanford was REALLY a good memory for Sam when the words John said that night was STILL haunting Sam TWO YEARS LATER? AND who DID NOT catch the flashbacks in Season 5 "Swan Song." which were Sam's REAL "Greatest Hits" that ALL had Dean in them?) and I've been mourning the loss of The Amulet and wanting it back ever since!). Season 8 Episode 3 "Heartache." Is it just me or has a lot of the people (or creatures) involved in the cases lately are starting to resemble Sam and Dean more and more? And don't even get me started on my many rants over what Dean said during "Southern Comfort."

* * *

Dean was a shaky wreck as he guided the understandably emotionally exhausted Amelia into the waiting room and meekly introduced her to Kevin. For the first time in a long time the chip on Dean's shoulder was gone as he felt truly humbled by the realization of how strong his little brother had to have been just to still be alive after all he'd been through over the last few months not to mention how strong Sam had to have been FOR YEARS to have kept it together in spite of EVERYTHING that'd happened after their father had died.

Kevin noticed the change in Dean. Suddenly Dean was no longer the frighteningly cold, calloused and hardened man that he'd been after coming back from Purgatory and now he was once again the battle wearied man who had to much weight on his shoulders that Kevin had met over a year ago.

The doors to the waiting room opened and a woman in surgical scrubs stepped through calling out "Family of Sam Taylor?" ...

Amelia sucked in a sharp sounding breath of fear, Kevin dug his fingernails into his own thigh in anticipation and Dean's face grew stony as he stood and said "We're his family."

The woman gave a sad smile and said "I'm Doctor Cobb. Would the three of you please walk back with me while I go over Sam's condition?" as she gestured to a hall that led behind the nurse's station.

Dean nodded feeling relieved as just those words assured him that Sam was at least alive.

Amelia, Kevin and Dean followed the doctor down the hall which led to several big thick looking oak doors that stood lined on both sides each adorned with bronze plaques that held the names and titles of those who occupied them.

The doctor stopped outside a door that held a plaque that said "Janine Cobb M.D., Ph.D., Chief of Neurosurgery." fished a set of keys from her pocket, unlocked the door opened it and gestured for everyone to enter the large well decorated office.

"Doctor how is Sam?" Amelia asked as everyone took a chair around Dr. Cobb's desk.

"Well I'll be honest Sam had a million odds against his survival during the surgery and he's got even more odds against his survival now. As it is.. I apologize.. But right now Sam is in a coma and it's doubtful he will wake and if he does it's very likely he'll be severely impaired." Dr. Cobb replied sounding solemn.

Amelia lifted a hand to her mouth as she started crying again and Dean squeezed her free hand as more tears of his own fell.

"Please tell us everything. We need to know." Kevin pleaded.

"How are you related to Mr. Taylor?" Dr. Cobb asked looking confused.

"He and Dean are my family." Kevin lied knowing the doctor couldn't share Sam's medical information with anyone other than Sam's spouse or Sam's relatives but he felt responsible for Sam being in such bad shape cause the way he'd had to just leave Sam lying on the side of the road in the cold and dark and he wanted to know if there was a way that he could help Sam now and for that he needed to know everything about Sam's condition.

"Oh." Dr. Cobb stammered then she got one of THOSE looks on her face as she continued to stammer saying "I assure you that the hospital recognizes adopted family as next of kin well as blood relation and spouses, I just had to be sure."

"Who said he was adopted?" Dean asked sternly not liking the doctor's racist assumption. No Kevin wasn't even really related by even adoption, not legally, but Dean had once told Sam that blood didn't make someone family, but the lack of some legal document didn't make someone NOT family either and Kevin's actions had not only saved Sam's life but Kevin had tried to get through to Sam's stubborn and pissed off older brother despite having been afraid and that made Kevin as good as real family on any given day in Dean's eyes.

Dr. Cobb looked taken aback and replied "I apologize, it was very wrong of me to just assume.. Of course I'll give all of you any information you may want or need on Sam's condition.. I'll just have my assistant bring his scans, his labs.. Everything you need."

Kevin, Dean and Amelia all nodded looking slightly smug about the doctor's being given a lesson in humility.

~0~ ~0~ ~0~ ~0~

Dr. Cobb went over Sam's brain scans and took time to not only point out the areas of spinal nerve damage and brain damage and death and explain how old each area of damage and death appeared to be and all the symptoms all of it could cause, which Amelia and Dean already mostly knew about anyway, but she also took the time to go over how each area of damage and death effected Sam in general aside from the symptoms the combination of everything would cause.

She pointed to an area saying "This is the Diencephalon it resides between the Cerebral Hemispheres or the Telencephalon." She pointed to both sides of the largest area of Sam's brain before continuing with " And it contains the Subthalamus, Epithalamus, Hypothalamus and Thalamas." She pointed to each one "The Thalamus controls auditory, Visual and Somatosensory signals.."

"What are Somatosensory signals?" Dean interupted to ask.

"Touch Perception, Motor Function Control, pain response." The doctor rattled off before continuing with

"This area here has damage that's about nine and a half years to eleven years old and the symptoms Sam may have experienced over the years because of that damage are: Vivid dreams or nightmares, audio and visual hallucinations, pain, problems with coordination, and even some uncontrolled or delayed muscle movements. "

"This area is This area is the Limbic System." She circled an area with her finger.

"It's the area where emotions reside, where memory begins and where these two functions combine together to mark behaviors with positive or negative feelings."

"It's where mostly unconscious value judgements are made. This is the Hypothalamus part of the Limbic System." She pointed to another area.

"It helps control things such as sleeping and waking cycles, appetite, thirst, other bodily urges and it also plays a role in emotions, autonomic functions and motor functions."

"The damage in this area is also about nine and a half years old and the symptoms Sam may have experienced over the years because of that damage are: Trouble sleeping or staying awake for consistent periods of time, loss of appetite or extreme hunger or unquenchable thirst, emotional despondence or depression, emotional dependance, emotional insecurity and as the damage progressed paranoid delusions, addiction seeking behaviors, personality changes and mood swings, possibly even violent outbursts."

"This area is the Hippocampus which controls memory, so far this area remains undamaged but that does not mean that Sam won't experience memory loss now or at some point in the future. This area is the Neocortex." She circled another area.

"It is divided into two hemispheres, right and left. The right side of the brain controls the left side of the body and vice versa. Also the hemispheres are divided in terms of what kind of thought they process or produce. The right being more concerned with the artistic, spatial and musical. While the left is more concerned with the colder, linear, rational and verbal aspects. This area is." She pointed to the right of the scan. "The left Frontal Lobe it is responsible for functions such as reasoning, problem solving, judgement, impulse control."

"The Frontal Lobe is also the last part of the brain to develop, not reaching completion of development until a person reaches young adulthood or about twenty-five years of age for some males."

"The damage in this area happened before complete development and the symptoms Sam may have experienced over the years because of that damage are: Inability to rationalize, problems with poor judgement, problems with problem solving and problems with impulse control which is worrying especially when considering the damage to the Hypothalamus and the possibility of addiction seeking behaviors.. Then add in the fact that all of the damage and death of his brain combined can cause seizures, severe pain, emotional disturbances and so many other things..

"But the injuries Sam sustained tonight are most concerning as these areas here." Dr. Cobb circled a few areas

"Started to bleed causing Sam to suffer a Hemorrhagic Stroke and the symptoms of that include but are not limited to Confusion, trouble speaking or understanding, trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination, trouble seeing in one or both eyes, numbness, weakness, or paralysis of the face, arms, and or legs, but mostly only one side of the body is usually effected after a stroke. But because this are the Corpus Callosum which is the area that communicates between the right and left hemispheres of the brain had a bleed as well it could mean that any symptoms and side effects of the stroke may possibly be seen in both sides of Sam's body. Unfortunately we won't know the full extent of the effects of any of the combined damage until Sam wakes up."

"But I do have to stress how unlikely it is that Sam will wake up as it's honestly a medical miracle that he was even up walking around after suffering the amount of brain damage he was already suffering from"..

"But the fact that he was functioning at all after sustaining any brain death, when any brain death should have rendered Sam into a persistent vegetative state.. Well that should have been impossible.. Yet he's proof that not all science on the brain isn't correct.. So, I just have to accept that with Sam I'm seeing things I've never seen before.. The fact that he has any reading at all on his EEG is remarkable and the fact that there's any possibility that hey could wake up at all is astounding."

"I will tell you that the areas of brain death is inoperable and though there are medications that can help regenerate the areas of dead brain tissue it's doubtful that if Sam were to wake that he'll ever regain whatever functions the damages robs him of and I hate to say this"..

"But if Sam does wake from the coma it is very doubtful that he'll live very long as when the blood vessels burst in his brain it spread the contamination of the once miraculously stable brain death that was jarred and further compromised by whatever impact or impacts he sustained tonight like a gangrenes infection with the blood throughout his brain.. The effects of which could be incomprehensible. It could cause complete brain death, there's honestly no way to tell because Sam's the first person I've ever seen to live so long with such serious brain injuries that have gone untreated. And that's not even touching on the subject of the old spinal injury that appears to have also gone for years without treatment and all the complications that it could have and could still cause. If Sam's injuries could have been caught and treated sooner, none of this would have happened."

~0~

Dean was VERY pissed at himself. He'd really hurt his little brother's already fragile psyche along with whatever physical damage he'd inflicted with his fist and the knives of guilt were cutting him deep on that because he knew deep down that Sam's brain hemorrhaging was his fault. If he hadn't ignored Kevin's request to get Sam to a hospital then none of tonight's horrific events would've happened. But Dean had ignored Kevin's request and he'd said hurtful words that were so awful and he'd gone so far as to hit his little brother over something as stupid as resentments over things that hadn't even ever been Sam's fault.

And it wasn't just the Purgatory thing that Dean was feeling like a major asshat over.

No. Because if the doctor was right then ten years ago Sam had suffered a bad enough blow to the head to cause significant brain damage that had put Sam on the path to the addiction to demon blood and all the bad choices Sam had made in the first place and Sam hadn't even done anything for himself back then because Dean had been in a coma and their dad was.. Well being the way their dad was. Thus making Sam the only one to fight for Dean.

And yeah about two years ago when he'd played DEATH Dean had remembered the whole thing where it had seemed that Sam was the only one fighting for Dean's life while their dad had seemingly sat by willingly watching Dean die for a second time and Dean had then understood why Sam had been so angry at their dad right before their dad died and why his little brother had felt so horrible after their dad's death. But Dean had foregone telling Sam any of that because he'd been distracted by Sam actually having a soul again.

And now Dean was looking back on all the times he'd called Sam selfish. On all the times he'd thrown Sam's mistakes in Sam's face like those mistakes were something that couldn't be forgiven when in fact Dean had made some unforgivable mistakes of his own and he was now truly feeling like a hypocritical jackass because now Sam could die thinking his own big brother hated him and.. How would Sam have the will to live through THAT especially after everything he'd been through?..

Dean looked back on all the times he'd treated Sam as if Sam didn't deserve to get to know anything about THEIR mom as if THEIR mom was something Sam could never even mention. He looked back over the time that he'd not allowed Sam to grieve THEIR father's death and how he'd pretty much told Sam he'd been a bad son.. GOD that must have devastated the kid.. Especially after what Yellow Eyes had said and how Sam had thought their mom's death had been his fault even though he'd only been a baby when their mom died and especially after Sam had blamed himself for what had happened to Jessica..

It was like Sam had lost everything back then. And the kid had been dealing with a severe head injury to boot.. It was suddenly no wonder why Sam had spiraled out of control like he had.

If it had been Dean in Sam's shoes and he'd lost EVERYTHING then had to watch Sam die over a hundred times in a row and then watch again as hellhounds ripped Sam to shreds knowing Sam was going to Hell.. for HIM.. Well Dean would've become a way worse monster than Sam ever could have even thought about being... And that was without needing a head injury to help him along.

Dean felt horrible as he remembered how Sam had talked about having visions for weeks before Jessica's death and he knew the visions caused pain.. What if the pain had been damage happening to Sam's brain back then? The doctor did say that some of the brain damage was older than nine years which could mean that Sam had, had injuries to his brain caused by the first visions or something that happened before even then and the thought of that pained Dean..

Because of all the times Sam had collapsed from those stupid visions were moments that Dean could've taken Sam to a hospital but didn't because finding their dad and hunting had been Dean's only priorities besides keeping HIS Sammy safe.. "_Bang up job I did with that one_." Dean thought.

A lot of what the doctor had said since Dean had gotten lost so deeply in thought had all been something Dean hadn't heard but he did hear someone telling him he should sit back down and calm down before security was called and he snapped back to awareness to find that: He had stood up and apparently had slammed his fist down on the doctor's desk.. And apparently more than once because his knuckles on both hands were bleeding..

"What did I just do?" Dean whispered in confusion.

Kevin looked scared as hell but Amelia looked as fierce as Dean was feeling as she stood put a hand on his shoulder and whispered "The doctor was saying how the hospital staff are not equipped to handle caring for Sam throughout the entirety of of his condition and that once Sam was healed from the surgery that Sam should be transferred to a hospice so that he can live out the remainder of his life comfortably and in the care of professionals who are trained to handle situations like Sam's and that's when you flew out of your chair started hitting the desk and yelling that you weren't gonna leave Sam to rot in a place like that and that you weren't leaving him to die period."

"And I completely agree with Dean." Amelia added as she looked straight at the doctor "**WE** will not be requiring the services of a hospice so if you intend to release Sam you'll be releasing him into **OUR **care. Understood?"

"Yes, of course." Doctor Cobb stammered as she looked at Dean and said. "I understand that it's an upsetting situation so of course I'm sympathetic.. BUT I do have to warn that further "outbursts" will have to be dealt with accordingly."

"No need to worry doctor I'll make sure he behaves." Amelia stated as if she knew exactly how to take on such a task. "Now can we please go see Sam?"

The doctor nodded and said "Sam's in room three twenty three.. Just go up to the third floor the elevator will let out into a waiting room on your left there'll be a door. Just pick up the phone and it'll automatically connect you to one of the third floor nurse's station all you have to do is tell them the room number and the patient's name and they'll buzz you in."

"Wait. Sam's in a secure ward?!.. Why? You said he was in a coma!" Dean growled.

"Dean you need to focus on staying calm." Amelia said scoldingly. "Sam _needs_ you to stay calm."

"Sam is on a secure floor." The doctor replied as she held up her hands in a defensive gesture for just in case Dean lashed out at her this time. "But not for the reasons you think.. You see the entire third floor is for patients with compromised immune systems.. It's to help keep Sam from getting sick while he heals from surgery. And the whole floor is an observation ward meaning that Sam's room is in view of one of the four nurse's stations."

"Oh." Dean stated as he let out a frustrated sigh that became a shaky, nervous chuckle as he continued with "Sorry.. I just."

"I understand Mr. Taylor." The doctor stated. "Just please keep your temper reigned in... Especially up there.. There are several patients up on the third floor whose families are just as worried for them as you are for Sam. Most of them are children with cancer and you could frighten them if you were to have another outburst up there... So please be as considerate of them as you would want their families and our staff to be to you and your family during your brother's stay in our hospital."

"Okay doc." Dean replied feeling chastised as he thought about how Sam would be disappointed in him if he frightened some poor little sick kid. "I won't lose it again I swear."

"Good." The Doctor Cobb said with a nod "This is a teaching hospital. So, tomorrow morning when I do my runs I'll have about three to five medical interns with me, they'll do the simple stuff like take Sam's vitals while I go over Sam's chart and make sure that your family stays up to date on Sam's condition. The nurses will keep you up to date on Sam's medications and if you have any questions all you need to do is ask. To find the elevators go down the hall we came down, go out past the nurse's station and on your right is another hall that has a blue stripe along the center of the wall, the elevators will be at the end of that hall and the hall that connects at the end goes out to the cafeteria and main lobby of the hospital."

"Okay. Thanks for everything doctor." Amelia stated.

"You're welcome. See you all tomorrow." Doctor Cobb replied.

"See you tomorrow." Kevin chimed in meekly.

Dean was just suddenly glad that Sam would have a tomorrow as he looked at the doctor and said with the deepest sincerity "Thank you for saving my brother's life Doctor Cobb. Really.. Sammy means the world to me." Dean had tears trailing down his cheeks and more forming in his eyes as he poured out his thanks because he was realizing just how close he'd been to losing his brother. How close to losing HIS Sammy he still was.

"I think anyone can see that Mr. Taylor." The doctor said with a smile. "Now go see your brother."

"Yes ma'am." Dean replied with a watery smile and a nod. The doctor wasn't such a bad lady once Dean had softened up to her a bit.

Dean, Kevin and Amelia followed Doctor Cobb's instructions and soon found the hall with the blue stripe along the center of the wall. While they walked Kevin asked Amelia how she'd known how to handle Dean's "little" outburst back in the doctor's office especially since Dean himself hadn't even seemed to remember having said outburst.

"Well before I met Sam.. I was.. I was married to a man name Don who enlisted because of what happened to the World Trade Center on Nine, Eleven. He just enlisted.. Didn't even ask me.. He said something about it being the right thing to do and the next thing I knew he was gone. He completed Basic Training and was deployed overseas... After that I started learning all I could about the lives of soldiers.. About what they went through on the battle field.. About what their lives might be like when they came home.. I learned a lot about Post Traumatic Stress during that time. .. But Don never came home.. He died before his first tour was up.. It was a road side I.E.D. that killed him and half his squad"..

"And I couldn't live with being alone but I couldn't kill myself either so I ran.. I kept moving around trying to outrun the knowledge of the fact that I'd lost the only person who would ever mean everything to me.. I was already a veterinarian so it wasn't hard to stay afloat."..

"I grew to be a bit harsh and cynical during that time and then one day this bigger than life guy shows up at one of my offices in the middle of the night and he's holding this dog that he'd hit."..

"He was so big and to look at him you'd think that he'd be all an insensitive macho manly man or that someone like him would be un-phased by hitting a dog."..

"Honestly most people are.. With most people that dog would have just been left to die lying on the side of the road while the person who'd hit it drove off without a second thought if I'm to be really honest."..

"The dog wasn't even his nor did he know the owner.. But this larger than life guy.. Was crushed.. I mean literally crushed by the fact that he'd hurt another living creature even by accident."..

"There was so much guilt in him and there was something in his eyes.. This sensitivity and I don't know but there was kind of this innocence in his eyes to, but also a lot of pain and grief and to just see so many emotions in someone who seems so strong.. I was captivated by him and I soon came to find that he had had a fight with his brother and that he had left their family business.. We became friends within days and the next thing I know he's asking me if I can care for the dog because he had found a case similar to the ones he'd used to take when working his family business and that even though he was no longer working with his brother he couldn't just quit working."

"So he was going back to the work he'd done before meeting me but he promised to keep in touch and to come by once in a while to make sure that the dog was okay."

"But taking care of the dog for him gave me a reason to stay put.. It gave me something to live for again. So I did it."

"I didn't see Sam again until months later when he turned up on my front porch in need of a friend.. He was a wreck and I could tell from all the things that I'd learned about Post Traumatic Stress that Sam was suffering from it.. And then it clicked that some of the things I'd seen in him the night we'd first met was probably also mostly due to Post Traumatic Stress and I was kicking myself for not having seen it sooner.. I mean I was supposed to be his friend and I hadn't caught the signs even after everything I'd put into learning about it.. But he'd come back and I knew he'd need someone who could understand both his loss and the Post Traumatic Stress that he was dealing with.. And then I learned some things about Sam's very complicated life and realized that it was no wonder that Sam was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress because any other human being would be after what Sam had gone through if they didn't lose their minds completely that is. But learning some things about Sam's life meant also learning some things about Dean's life and I know the signs of Post Traumatic Stress when I see them and an outburst like Dean had back in the doctor's office and the way he didn't remember having it is a clear sign that Dean is also suffering from Post Traumatic Stress. In fact violent outburst aren't uncommon at all for people who suffer from it."

"I appreciate the fact that you were trying to look out for me back there. But don't go trying to psychoanalyse me lady." Dean said in retort "You don't know anything about me."

"I know enough to know that you've literally been through Hell and back and I know enough to know that a person doesn't come back from something like that without at least both mental and emotional wounds." Amelia replied calmly.

"Mental and emotional wounds. No wonder Sam likes you. That's exactly the kind of emo crap that he would buy into." Dean said with annoyance.

"You can deny it all you want Dean. But you do have symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress whether you like it or not. And you wanna know something Dean?"

"What?" Dean huffed.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Dean rolled his eyes. There was no way he was going to even think about trying to deal with whatever bullcrap Amelia was talking about when Sam was fighting for his life.

"I'm serious Dean.. And you are going to need help to deal with it. Just like Sam did."

"I don't need..."..

"You can say you don't need help till the cows come home. But here's the reality of the situation. Let's say you don't get help and Sam eventually wakes up.. Sam's going to already have a lot to deal with in terms of his own healing. NOW.. What if you suffer from an episode and during a violent outburst you were to lash out at Sam?.. It could cause several setbacks in Sam's recovery.. If not do irrevocable damages to his mind or body."

Dean looked at the floor guiltily.. Because that had already happened and Amelia didn't even have to know to peg something that had happened and had a very real chance of happening again knowing Dean's increasingly foul temper dead on. ..

"Okay." Dean sighed. "You're right. I'll get help."

Kevin looked surprised as Hell but Amelia looked proud of both herself and Dean.

"Good. Dean.. That's really great." Amelia said with genuine praise.

Dean gave his sister-in-law a beaming smile of affection. He really could see why Sam liked this girl. ..

* * *

A/N: PLEASE review! Let me know what you think of this Chapter! Also points to the readers who guess where I got the name "Janine Cobb.".. Hint she could also be called "Jane Cobb" or "Jayne Cobb."


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